Wingardium Leviosa
by Bouncy White Ferret
Summary: Set during the Second War. Remus joins the pack as a spy, and is assigned the task of teaching the children magic. Something more develops from there. Non violent Fenrir/Remus.
1. Of Growing Brilliance

A/N: First fanfic in quite a while, kinda nervous! But I've been longing to write (non violent) Fenrir/Remus for some time now, so here's my attempt!

* * *

Pitter patter, pitter patter.

The storm clouds rolled above as Remus hurried along the path to the pack's hideout. Mud sploshed noisily and rainwater swirled around his shoddy leather shoes. He hugged his coat tighter to his body, trying to ignore the howling wind.

Finally, he stopped in front of a weather beaten house. Light emitted faintly out from the inside through the cracked and dirtied windows. The house was large, imposing, and wild. It looked like an outgrowth from the ground of the woods. Faint murmurs sounded from all around him. Remembering what he was told to do, Remus lowered his head cautiously, keeping his wand well tucked out of sight.

Footsteps more audible than the rest headed straight for him. Their very sound silenced out the senseless chattering.

"Look up," a gruff voice rasped.

Remus complied obediently, and his eyes met with the towering figure. Fenrir was easily more than a head taller than him. Despite all the turmoil and chaos he had to rough out all those years since he had been bitten, he still felt a familiar tinge of fear and awe at the sight of the werewolf. Fenrir, on the other hand, looked more than pleased to welcome him back.

"Where's the welcome for my favourite boy?" he called out to the pack. A few hands started clapping first, followed by two, three more, and soon the air was ringing with nothing but the sound of hands clapping.

Remus was taken aback. This civil behaviour was uncalled for. He had expected some sort of more beastial welcome, but perhaps years of working with the Death Eaters have tamed them- to a certain extent. He chanced a quick glance around. As his eyes swept past the members of the pack, he saw how most of the older ones were eyeing him with a wary regard, suspicion, sizing him up. They didn't trust him but knew better than to voice their opinions out against Fenrir.

Fenrir drew all attention back to him by clapping his hands loudly twice. All were silent again as they watched him take one long stride towards Remus. It was then that Remus saw that the werewolf was wearing what looked like a crude attempt at a formal suit. The clothes looked odd clinging on to the strong frame of Fenrir, and gave off an air of tackiness. Had the task at hand not been so serious, he would have broke out in laughter.

Seeming not to notice Remus' amusement at his choice of garments, Fenrir patted the top of the shorter man's head roughly, ruffling his hair.

"Come with us."

Like automated robots, the pack started filtering into the house. Remus followed close behind Fenrir, frightened of what task he would be assigned to do, but eager to be out of the pouring rain. The light made the house seem almost like a sanctuary, especially after the many weary days of travelling to find the location of the pack.

"Here. Your own room," Fenrir stated simply, pushing Remus into the tiny, but adequately furnished room. Remus placed his travelling bag gratefully on the floor, and the bed, though looking in a terrible shape with the mouldy bedsheets, looked like it would provide better rest than the abrasive grounds of the woods. There was a small workdesk beside the bed. A lone window was situated above it. On the other side of the room, there was a grimy looking bathroom, but then again, that would suffice.

"Thank you, Alpha," Remus said, with a genuine tone of appreciation in his voice as he bowed. Fenrir waved his hand as a sign of acceptance.

"You know I don't bother with such..treatment for the others. So do your job of teaching the children well."

"Yes, yes of course, Alpha. I will," Remus said quickly. But as soon as Fenrir left, he sunk to the bed in stupor.

_Teaching? Children?_ Remus groaned, holding his head with his hands. It could only mean one thing. Fenrir expected him to teach the younger ones offensive magical spells.

But he couldn't! If an entire generation of werewolves were to become literate in magic, he couldn't imagine the chaos they would wreak upon the world. He had to find a way around this.

* * *

The next morning, all the children were already sitting at their desks when Remus walked nervously into the makeshift classroom. He stood awkwardly in front of the dusty, slanted blackboard. He stared at the children, and they stared back at him. Each held a crude looking wand in the hand. The wands looked more like branches snapped off from the Whomping Willow than anything else. It was good to note that none of them were attempting to gnaw at the wands like a dog would at a bone, though. Still, it felt like some sort of sick parody of his Defence Against the Dark Arts Classes in his time at Hogwarts.

Remus cleared his throat weakly. The silence was suffocating.

"My name is er, Remus Lupin. Our Alpha has so kindly offered me a spot in the pack, so, in return, I will be teaching you magic."

He clapped his hands together, holding his breath, hoping that there would not be some uproar in the class upon hearing the pansy, basically useless in warfare, spell he had picked. Oh, he had done some careful consideration the night before, of course. Unforgivables were the first to be struck off the list, followed by any curses, jinxes, the offensives.

The list boiled down to spells like Accio, Expelliarmus and such. But even those he arranged carefully in his lesson plan, leaving spells like Expelliarmus to the last lessons. In his mind, he had pictured a wild classroom of little werewolves Expelliarmus-ing anything in their way, him standing in a corner wringing his hands in distraught, a fuming Fenrir yelling at him from the other end of the class, trying to restrain as many children as he could with his arms. He might be Fenrir's "favourite boy", but such a catastrophe would earn even him a place on a dish of that night's dinner.

"Teacher? Do you even know any spells? Why are you just standing there?"

The little voices rang out, breaking his train of thought. Remus hastily shook himself back to the realm of reality, swiftly drawing out his wand from his back pocket. The calls of the children subsided as they stared at his better made wand in awe. Their eyes were wide, speaking of anticipation and an innocence that would break Remus' heart if he looked too long into them.

"I'll be teaching you all a very simple spell today to get you started," he smiled. Their gaze followed him as he walked over to his desk to place a soft, white feather atop it. Swishing his wand, he called out, "_Wingardium Leviosa!_"

The feather instantly flew up into the hair, hovering at the space where Remus' wand was pointed at. Sensing that he was a friendly adult, the children did not restrain their excitement. They cheered loudly and applauded him as he strode around their tables, showing them the levitating feather, allowing them to prod and poke it. On Remus' part, he heaved a great sigh of relief inside at their positive reaction. He even felt a little surge of pride at the recognition he was being given. It was a nice change he could get used to.

"Teach us!" they said excitedly, their faces alight, as he ended his walk around the class.

"I will, but you have to promise me to learn the incantation well first before we do anything with those wands. We don't want any accidents in here, do we?" Remus said, feeling more and more at ease. The children were not what he had expected. They were still rather honest, uncorrupted, compared to the adults they lived with.

"We promise you, Teacher!" they said in unison, placing their wands down on their desks as a sign. Remus himself placed his on the desk too. His initial fear of teaching the children was just about completely gone, upon realising their willingness to cooperate.

"Okay, repeat after me," he said, loudly, clearly and slowly so all could hear him, "Wing-gar-dee-um Leh-vee-oh-sa!"

The children attempted to copy him, but their lack of magical knowledge soon became apparent as none were able to pronounce the spell properly. Remus took in a deep breath and thanked the heavens above for gifting him with a patient personality. This was going to take quite a bit of time.

"Wing-gar-"

"Winger!"

Remus laughed and shook his head. He decided to go around to each child instead to teach him individually till all got it right. It was a tiring process, as each child took about five to ten minutes to get the syllables right. But better the effort to teach a harmless spell instead of unleashing a new pack of crazy, bloodthirsty and magical werewolves onto the world.

The hours flew by, and Remus forgot about lunch in exhaustion, whilst the children forgot about lunch in their excitement. His eyes were flickering shut at some points in time, after hearing each child make the same mistake as the previous, after repeating himself a million, zillion times. His legs were numb too, from kneeling down next to the tables for too long. Still, he fought to keep his spirits and energy up, and was rewarded when he finally reached the last child.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" the boy said proudly after another six minutes of toiling. Remus smiled tiredly at him and patted his arm in a congratulatory manner.

Tired but feeling a sense of achievement, Remus walked to the blackboard and scribbled the name of the spell on it.

"For the last time today, let's repeat the name of the spell we learnt," he said, using the chalk to point at the words on the board. The children nodded in agreement.

"_Wingardium Leviosa!_"

All the children exploded into more rounds of clapping -Remus honestly wondered where they picked the habit up from- and cheering as they realised they all could say it perfectly. However, Remus did not join in, partially because he was too sleepy, and partially because he was pretty certain he had heard a low, foreign voice say the spell together with the children.

"Over here," the voice spoke.

Remus turned his head towards the source, and sure enough, there stood Fenrir. He was leaning casually against the doorway, frame almost filling up all the space. His arms were crossed over each other as he grinned lazily over to Remus. He didn't seem angry or display any want of berating him for wasting the children's time with such a useless charm. Uncertain of how to respond, Remus smiled shyly back.

The children were dismissed soon after, and Remus collected his wand, getting ready to return to his room to prepare for dinner. But Fenrir still stood at the doorway, blocking his way out. Remus stood dumbly in front of him, his head bowed towards the floor. He could feel the taller werewolf's eyes boring into his head. Tensing his body, he expected a blow to the head to follow.

Instead, Fenrir clapped a large hand onto his shoulder and led him back to his room, strolling in a casual manner.

"Great job, my boy, I wasn't wrong about you, was I?" Fenrir grinned again, showing his sharp teeth as he leant against the door to Remus' room. Remus looked up quickly in shock. An odd feeling of pride at those words warmed his insides.

Fenrir continued, "Saved you something from lunch." He pulled out a squashed meat sandwich wrapped clumsily in foil and slapped it onto Remus' palm. "Make sure you keep up the excellent work tomorrow," he nodded.

"I'll keep that in mind, Alpha."

Fenrir shifted away from the door, allowing Remus to turn the doorknob to enter the room. Remus thought he saw a flash of uncertainty flicker across his Alpha's face, before in one fast movement, he was drawn into an embrace that lasted for no longer than a second. Fenrir then took a step back, surveying him. Hands trembling a little from that unexpected moment of contact, Remus didn't know if he was supposed to say anything in return.

"Thank you, Alpha," he said. And that suddenly made him feel like the lamest guy on the planet as Fenrir barked out a laugh as a response.

"_Wingardium Leviosa_," he grinned, surprisingly managing the name of the spell with no difficulty at all. Remus suddenly had a strange urge to ask him if he had been watching him conduct the entire lesson, but the door was closed and he was all alone again before he could get the question out. He blinked at the surreal remembrance of the events of the day, of the children, of _Fenrir_, before dropping his aching body onto the bed contentedly.

He really, really could get used to this.

* * *

A/N: What do you think of the story so far? D: Is Fenrir too OOC? (I myself think he is -is embarrassed by that fact-) If you have any suggestions/views/etc, please do drop a review, I'd really appreciate it!(:


	2. Romancer

A/N: Thanks everybody who has read, reviewed, and put this story in your favourites and alerts! I really,_ really _appreciate it. I'm sorry, I've haven't had a lot of time to do up the chapter, but it's here now!

In response to megblue: No, I am not "What's Your Name, Pup?" 's author. -laughs- I have read the fic though, it's quite cute.

To nelly: I've realised you reviewed twice! :X So sorry for keeping you waiting!

* * *

Remus might have had a great time with the children, but he couldn't say he particularly enjoyed his meals with the adults.

His initial plans had been to sit at the furthest end of the table so he could eat alone. Unfortunately, before he could even sit down, he was called to sit at the front by Fenrir. Hushed murmuring flicked through the table. A disgruntled growl emitted from the head of the table, followed by a roar so loud it could only belong to Fenrir.

Remus strode to the front of the table with his hands in his pockets, his head to the ground. His hair obscured most of his face, but he could still feel the werewolves staring at him as he walked by them. They were whispering to each other through cupped ears about him, he could sense that. As he stood by his seat on the right of Fenrir, he was rewarded with a vicious death glare from its former occupant, Fenrir's right hand werewolf. His face coloured and he took a step back instinctively.

"Sorry," he muttered.

The werewolf opened his mouth to snap a snarky remark into his face. However, Fenrir silenced him with a simple grunt, and hauled Remus into the seat with a single strong hand. Remus wished terribly he could melt into the ground. It seemed that everybody's attention, from Fenrir to the werewolf at the furthest end of the table, was fixated on him and him alone. It was overwhelming, uncomfortable, and unsettling.

From this incident onwards, Remus never spent more than fifteen minutes at the table.

* * *

Remus was usually pretty worn out by the time he started the lessons with the children, but their smiles and eagerness to learn had a magical ability to perk him up even on his worst days. In fact, the lessons were what he looked forward to every day. Especially when he had spent the previous night scribbling hasty letters to the Order to report on the activities of the werewolves, and the meals when Fenrir would pile food on his plate whilst the other werewolves would watch on in obvious jealousy.

At times, Remus would get a queer feeling that the generous gifting of food had nothing to do with "building that ratty body up" as Fenrir had commented bluntly, but that Fenrir simply wanted him to spend more time at the table. But, of course, as usual, he kept that thought to himself. _Merlin knows what Fenrir would do if he could hear me think such a ludricious thought. And what the Order would have to say about this!_

I am _not_ harbouring any amiable feelings for that brute, Remus comforted himself, it's just the lunacy of the full moon.

* * *

The coming of the full moon was definitely making a great impact on all in the pack, including the children. Today, they were restless and fidgeting in their seats, as if constrained by invisible buckles. Remus himself felt a little giddy and queasy, but life with the humans had taught him to tame the wolf inside him.

"Class, if I could just have your attention for a little while today," he announced, holding up his wand, "We're going to learn how to cast Wingardium Leviosa today."

The children reached forward and snatched their wands off their desks, looking up expectantly at him. They seemed to be calmer now, save for the occasional shuffle of shoe on the grubby floor.

"Good. Now, watch my wand hand very carefully..."

Suddenly, all the children got off their seats noisily and bowed deeply to an area behind Remus. Remus raised his eyebrows in confusion, and swung around, colliding with a heavily built figure behind him.

"Alpha-!"

_Bow, bow in apology, you stupid idiot!_

Remus frantically bowed several times towards Fenrir. Each time felt like he was putting his head on the gullotine board. Fenrir watched on in sheer amusement, before grunting in acceptance. Casually, he settled himself on the teacher's chair and stacked his legs atop the table, arms crossed over his chest. He signalled for Remus to continue the lesson.

"Okay, everybody, pay close attention to my wand hand," Remus said, with much less confidence than before. Fenrir's eyes were flicking back and forth continuously between Remus and the dirt on his bootlaces. Remus wondered quietly if Fenrir enjoyed putting him in constricting situations. Having him as an observer of the lesson was one of the last things that Remus wanted.

Slowly, Remus waved his wand. The children kept their eyes focused on it, whilst tracing the air in vaguely similar patterns with their own. He repeated this exercise many more times, before deciding to call the students one by one up to the teacher's table to try to levitate the feather.

The first boy looked as if he was about to cry at the sight of Fenrir. His legs could barely support him as he walked towards the table, held in the hand by Remus. He was quivering like a leaf as Fenrir flashed him a toothy grin and observed his progress.

"Wing-wing-gar-"

The boy stammered uncontrollably, his wand hand shaking, before bursting into frightened tears. Remus hastily got on his knees and patted him on his back, using his sleeve to wipe his face.

"Don't cry, don't- why don't we return to your table instead? Would that be better?"

Fenrir scowled darkly and slammed his fist against the table, snarling. The rest of the children instinctively stared down at their shoes.

"Remus, you bring that little snivelling kid right back here."

Remus looked back over his shoulder, feeling just as frightened as the children, of Fenrir.

"Alpha, it is my fault, don't punish him, please."

Some of the children whimpered softly at their teacher's defiance of the Alpha's orders. Fenrir looked at Remus in a hard manner, before growling in a disgruntled manner and swirling the chair so that he faced the board. Remus didn't know if that meant that he would be dealt with severely later, but all he did know was that he wanted to wrap up this lesson as quickly as possible.

That incident took a toll on Remus's patience. He moved around at a faster pace, wanting to make a quick exit to his room. He simply held the children's wrists and showed them the movement of the charm, not even bothering to check if they understood, or to even make eye contact with them. After that, he would allow them to have one attempt at levitating the feather. Then, he would pay no regard to whether that attempt was a success or failure. He would simply grab the feather and head to the next child.

The children seemed indifferent, even supportive of Remus's style of teaching today. They too, he could tell, wanted to get as far away from the seething Fenrir as possible. Later, out of the corner of his eye, Remus thought he saw Fenrir stride towards the door. He felt himself relax a little, and didn't understand why the children still seemed as tense as ever.

He understood why, when he reached the last "student".

He could hardly get his fingers around the thick wrist, which most certainly did not feel like a child's. He felt his stomach plummet as he lifted his eyes to look at its owner.

"Well, aren't you going to teach me? I did learn the incantation, after all," Fenrir smirked.

Remus' grip on his wrist slackened considerably. In return, Fenrir made a swift movement and grabbed_ his _wrist instead.

"Class dismissed," he snarled to the children. The children sprinted out of the classroom, relieving the pair of the many pairs of wary eyes.

As the last child exited the classroom, Fenrir pulled Remus down, close to him. Their noses were less than centimetres apart. Remus pondered what would happen if he happened to sneeze now. He could feel himself blushing, and hoped as hell that the dim lighting of the classroom covered his face. Fenrir traced Remus' bottom lip with an inquisitive finger, watching his eyes for any reaction carefully.

"The full moon's tomorrow," he said lazily, "Since you're here, I'm sure we'll have quite a bit of fun tomorrow."

_Fun?_

Fenrir leant in even closer to him. Remus could almost smell his breath, and he was rather thankful that it did not smell of rotting carcasses and other foul things, like he thought it would.

He then pulled Remus back to a standing postion, and went for the door.

"The Dark Lord has ordered a hunt tomorrow," he said, "I want you to join me and the rest of the adults."

With that, he started to walk away. Remus couldn't help but feel more than a little disappointed. For a second, he was sure...

He chased after Fenrir down the narrow corridor. The larger werewolf heard his frantic footsteps and turned around, an odd, wide smile on his face.

"Alpha, you...you mean, that's all?" he said out loud, before he could stop himself.

Fenrir's brows knotted in confusion. Remus mentally slapped himself for acting like a moron yet again. That question didn't even make any sense. However, Fenrir's face cleared up after a while. It was as if he understood Remus' question. Grinning, he took two steps towards Remus, eyeing him with amusement, his head cocked to the side.

"Well, what else do you want, Remus?"

* * *

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this story. It would be nice if you can take a bit of time to drop a short review!


	3. The Happiest Days of My Life

A/N: Hi again! I guess I have been too wrapped up in other stuff and I kinda..neglected this story :X But another chappie is here! I will see if I can do up another chapter by next week to make up for the time I'm gonna lose when I go out of the country for..about 9 to 10 days. As always, I wish to thank all who are reading this story! Especially the constant reviewers :D

* * *

Remus' letters to the Order had been growing shorter and shorter, as the world around him made lesser sense to him with each passing day. On the night before the full moon, he didn't even bother sending out another forcibly written out note. Telling the Order about the hunt would mean they would probably go all out to prevent it, and blow his cover. Also, with his mind still swirling around the snippets of conversation he had had with Fenrir, he could hardly think straight.

_I am a grown man. I can handle this myself._

So with his worn frame against the creaky bed, his forehead slick with cold sweat, Remus began to devise a plan that he could only hope would work.

* * *

"Okay, everyone, gather 'round now," Fenrir called out loudly. The adults shuffled forward slowly, looking like guilty children. None of them dared to sit too near him. Remus tucked his left hand firmly into his pocket, and slid into the far shadows behind. Every now and then, he would check his breath, hoping that none of the others would catch the scent of Wolfsbane or silver wafting off him.

He had burned his hand with the small amount of silver the Order had passed to him, for use in "dire situations". Apparently, their definition of "dire" was the same as "suicidal", since Remus couldn't handle silver without being hurt himself.

Remus was hoping that with this injury, Fenrir would call off the hunt for fear of running into silver himself. Even if Fenrir didn't, perhaps it would be enough to scare the other werewolves off the hunt. The amount of silver wasn't enough to poison him, but was sufficient to make an injury that looked severe enough for immediate medical attention.

"...and that's the plan. All out of here, now. The Goddess will break out of her cover soon."

Remus chose a quiet spot. He might have taken his Wolfsbane, but he still felt uncomfortable being in sight of others when he transformed. Most of the other werewolves seemed to think similarly too, huddling tightly in the shadow of the house. Only Fenrir and a few others stood proudly in the clearing, looking obediently up to the appearing full moon.

When the moon finally managed to shine upon the pack with all her power, the transformations all occurred simultaneously. For Remus, it was relatively quick and painless, due to the strong dose of Wolfsbane. But all around him, he could hear the sound of screaming, bones cracking as they changed shape; and it made him feel more than a little terrified. Looking at the huge wolf that was Fenrir, which was prowling around the clearing, he felt even worse.

The sight of the beast brought only one word to his mind: monster.

_How could I even have..._

Fenrir snapped his jaws violently at the pack. All of them followed close behind him as he led the way through the thick woods. Though he was quite far behind, Remus could see the powerful frame of Fenrir ahead, thundering forward. They covered a large distance in a surprisingly short amount of time, driven by the fear of punishment if they dared slow down.

Remus knew that soon, they were going to reach the clearing, where the house of the doomed family sat.

Pretending to stumble over a gnarled root, Remus let out a loud howl. Immediately, the entire pack came to a standstill.

The sound of large paws plodding against the muddy ground resounded throughout the silent woods. If he had ever wondered how a furious wolf would look like, well, Remus was looking at one right now. However, as Fenrir drew closer, that expression appeared to soften. Remus let out a whine and offered his maimed paw to Fenrir, who sniffed it cautiously.

The scent of silver mixed in the blood on his paw must have been strong, as the larger wolf howled and backed away. Careful to avoid that injured paw, Fenrir nipped Remus' ear and nudged him to his feet. Remus made quite a bit of a show, stumbling here and there. Fenrir grunted at that, and decided to allow him to lean against his body. Growling at the rest of the pack, berating them for wasting time, he commanded them to continue with the hunt as he slowly led Remus off the trail.

Remus' heart sank, and he suddenly felt very queasy. Fenrir hadn't called off the hunt.

There was nothing he could do, as Fenrir nudged his paw into a small stream to wash off the blood. He made sure to avoid eye contact with Fenrir. He felt disgusted by the pack, by Fenrir, and by himself, especially when Fenrir started licking the side of his face, and he didn't even feel an urge to pull away.

Suddenly, howls filled the air again. The rest of the pack came bounding back. The family had managed to flee the area with the extra time bestowed by Remus upon them; they had failed the Dark Lord. This could only mean punishment and suffering for the pack, and they, in turn, were going to take it out on the one who caused the failure.

Frenzied, they leapt forward, attempting to bite and snap at Remus. Their teeth, coated with thick saliva, glistened dangerously in the moonlight. _Traitor! Traitor! _- their howls seemed to shout out. Without thinking, Remus drew back, hiding behind the protective frame of Fenrir. Fenrir was circling around him, swiping out at the others and snarling in a show of his dominance. The weaker ones hastily hurried away. The slightly more powerful ones continued their assualt for a longer time.

But in the end, all finally withdrew away. Remus knew from then on, though, that life with the adults was about to get much tougher.

* * *

Remus was brought to the bed of the cramped, shabby medical bay in the early hours of the next morning. The nurse, an adult woman, who was excused from such hunts due to her medical proficiency, fussed over his hand in a motherly fashion. She reminded him of Madam Pomfrey. She dabbed tentatively at his hand, wincing every time he whimpered at the pain. She then covered it with bandages, that looked like they themselves would cause the infection rather than prevent it.

"You should be fine. Maybe a little throwing up every now and then, but- Oh, good morning, Alpha!"

She scurried out of the room. Remus felt a little bile rise to his throat. He tilted his head away from Fenrir, holding his breath, partially to avoid vomiting and partially because he was frightened that he had been found out.

Thankfully, he was wrong. Fenrir sat comfortably at the side of the bed, looking as casual as he could ever look. He even seemed to be _humming_ to himself. Remus lay awkwardly, watching the man carefully. He was still afraid that Fenrir might suddenly lash out at him.

After a while, the silence became too suffocating, and he decided he should break the ice. Get over whatever bad events were going to befall him.

"Thank you for visiting me, Alpha," he said lamely. Instantly, Fenrir turned and had a grin almost as wide as the Cheshire Cat. It was rather scary, an expression that Remus still was not accustomed to seeing on the man's face.

"How's your hand?"

"It'll be fine," Remus said quietly, watching nervously as Fenrir shifted closer to him, "Alpha."

"That's good to hear."

"Guess so," he said absentmindedly. Fenrir was still moving towards him.

_Get out, get out of the bed!_

Before Remus could edge away, Fenrir snatched his wrist and pulled him towards him.

"You're frightened," he said, "Why's that?"

Remus felt all the blood drain away from his face. His head was spinning and he felt extremely dizzy all of a sudden.

"W- why did you save me?"

Fenrir grunted at the lack of an answer, and for a moment, Remus had a real fear of being hit, until, what, _no_- Fenrir's warm mouth was on _his_. Remus gasped and tried to pull away- it was the only sane option, wasn't it? He just couldn't find the strength to do so, with Fenrir's strong hands gripping him in place, with the other man not letting him break away.

_I want to break away. It's just him. I know I can do it if-_

Fenrir pressed even harder on his lips. Remus found that he didn't even want to fight anymore. His mangled hand, and his healthy hand, they were both on Fenrir's larger back now, encouraging him to close the little distance that was left between them.

_Encouraging?_

As Fenrir bent down to start on Remus' neck, Remus was finally allowed to breathe again. But as soon as he took his very first breath, his head spun violently. He felt his stomach churn and the bile rise to his throat again, threatening to spill out of his mouth. Fenrir's mouth was on the cold skin of his neck; and no, now was not a good time for Fenrir to continue-

"Alpha.."

The man ignored him, and instead nipped him lightly on the neck, as if to silence him.

"Alpha, please-"

Fenrir lifted his hard eyes questioningly to meet Remus'. At that very moment, Remus shuddered as he felt the taste of vomit in his mouth. Quickly, with strength he didn't know he had, he shoved Fenrir aside. He managed to grasp the metal bowl at the side, just in time, and vomited the contents of his last meal into it. His hands were sweaty and he was shivering all over. The bowl teetered in the grip of his unsteady hands as he breathed deeply in and out.

Calmly, Fenrir reached out, taking the bowl from him and placing it back on the table firmly. He got off the bed and tucked Remus into it in a crude manner. A smile was spread on his face again, as if he had just won a massive victory.

"I'll get the nurse. See you soon."

Fenrir walked out of the door and pushed the nurse, who had been waiting, back in. The nurse scowled at Remus' state, and started wiping his face with towel after towel whilst feeding him various sorts of herbs. Even after all of that was done, Remus still felt dazed and weak, but he didn't think it was because of the silver anymore.

He now knew he had the strength to pull Fenrir off at that moment, if he wanted to. But he didn't.

And what did that mean?

Remus groaned and slumped back to the bed, after pondering over that for some time. This place was nuts. _He_ was nuts. He didn't even understand what he himself wanted anymore.

In fact, it seemed that his initial purpose for staying in this house didn't even exist anymore. He could tell, through the half-hearted way that he was scripting his letters, that he wasn't staying here to get insider information for the Order. The real purpose- he reached for the bowl again, queasy at the way he was behaving and thinking- he knew very well what it was. And he also knew, though he might try to run from it, there was no real escape from it in sight.

* * *

A/N: Gosh, I hope this chapter wasn't too confusing. Also, I would like to apologise if I have made any typos or grammer mistakes here or the previous chapters. I have no beta, and I am using WordPad, so the only thing checking all this text is myself^^'' Thanks for taking the time to read the story!


	4. You Belong With Us

A/N: Sickness, PC problems, writer's block! D: But it's here now! Special thanks to Akayagi; you were the first to review this story, and have since always been the first to review every chapter. Thank you for your support!

* * *

The medical bay became too claustrophobic a place for Remus soon. He was to stay there till he had fully recovered, but he protested. Finally, he was excused from teaching for the moment, and allowed to return to his room to recuperate. The creak of the bed as he sat himself down upon it sounded like a warm welcome. But his peace was not to last, as Fenrir called for another meeting, just before dinner.

"Dinner's cancelled tonight, you lot," he scowled.

Agitated whispers swept through the pack. Remus lowered his eyes carefully, so as to avoid any eye contact. He didn't like where this was going.

"It's cancelled, because the Dark Lord wishes to speak to us, about the failure of the hunt."

Quick as lightning, many members of the pack swirled around to point accusing fingers at Remus. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see their fear glinting crazily off their wide eyes, their desperation.

"We were on track, he-"

"-we could have done it, only that-"

"Why should we take the punishment for his stupidity-"

Their voices rang out like ringing fire bells, each rambling over the other, trying to get the attention of the Alpha. However, Fenrir paid little heed to their pleas. He stared straight to the back of the room, at Remus. Remus couldn't fathom his expression. But whatever it was, the sheer intensity of that look alone was breaking his composure.

_Oh god, why is he- he's looking at me; just me._

"Moony, you've finally gone loony," he muttered to himself. He pressed his head into his hands, as if it would stop the incessant pounding of his heart against his ribcage.

"Alpha, please, tell our Lord-"

"-help the children avoid-"

The stare was shattered as Fenrir finally roared out in frustration, "Shut your traps! Every one of you!"

All the yelling was suddenly cut off, and nobody moved an inch after that. Nobody, but Remus, who found himself tilting his head ever so slowly to look up, to Fenrir.

_I don't understand._

He watched as that pair of eyes returned their gaze to him. The faint puffs of breath coming out from that heaving chest were the only sounds that filled the room now. Rise and fall, rise and fall.

Fenrir clapped his hands twice. The pack mutely rose to their feet. Remus followed suit, scrambling a little.

"Alright. Let's go."

* * *

As always, Remus hung around the back of the pack. His hands were tucked comfortably into the deep pockets of his used, brown coat. The children milled around him, laughing, playing with the flapping ends of his coat. Every now and then, Remus would remove his good hand from its pocket, to gently pat a child's head or to hold a small, warm hand; which served as a reminder of his humanity as the pack tromped through the pitch black woods.

Suddenly, the pack came to a standstill, just like the night of the hunt. Without really thinking about it, Remus examined the condition of his body. Limbs, still intact. Brain, a little wonky, but still functioning. Traces of silver, nil. Well, if it there was another casualty, he could be sure it wasn't him, this time.

Yet, he saw the now-familiar figure of Fenrir headed his way- again. The words "I'm not dying!", or something to that effect, _almost _spilled out of his mouth.

"Remus," Fenrir said, "To the front. With me."

With that, he pulled Remus roughly towards him, and grasped his good hand. He heard little gasps - of terror?- sound from the children behind him. Remus felt the blood rush to his face at the moment of contact with the calloused, rough skin. His mouth suddenly felt too dry.

"I- I- the children, and-"

"Bring those darned kids to the front then," Fenrir growled, tugging hard at Remus' hand. His grip was vice-like, bordering on painful.

The children seemed unpleased at that decision, but knew better than to antagonise him. They jostled closely behind Remus. None dared to walk behind the back of their Alpha. As the walk resumed, Remus found himself wishing that the children were tall enough to hide his and Fenrir's interlocked hands from the rest of the pack.

* * *

"Well, this is _quite_ the family."

Remus felt his face grow warm at that familiar sneer. The last thing he wanted was to look like this- children clinging onto him, looking like the bride of the most feared werewolf in all of England- in front of Severus Snape. The man was eyeing him with obvious mirth.

"Where's the Dark Lord?" Fenrir grunted simply, pushing past Snape.

"He has other more pressing issues to attend to tonight," Snape said icily, without looking away from Remus, "I have been chosen to...convey his message, to the only barely literate member of the pack."

Fenrir looked at him blankly.

"That would be your dear Lupin."

Fenrir scowled darkly, and scoffed, "I think all of us have been, and are able to digest simple messages, greaseball."

Snape rolled his eyes. Pulling Remus away from the pack, he led him to a room. Quickly, he cast Silencing charms on the walls, and magically locked the door. Remus groaned inwardly at that. All of this could only mean one thing- an assignment for the Order. And Remus didn't think his current state of mind would be able to cope with that.

"The Dark Lord allows the pack to continue its hunt for the family, until the last day of this year. If the pack continues failing, the consequences will be dire."

"That's merciful," Remus said, sinking to a chair. He kept his eyes down. Snape had not stopped staring at him, and Remus wanted to avoid eye contact, so that Snape couldn't pry through his mind. Snape now started circling around him.

"So, I couldn't help but notice...you now are...associated, with Greyback?" Snape smirked.

Remus pressed his head into his hands. He had seen this coming the moment he stepped through the door, looking like that.

"I..can..explain.." Remus said shakily, breathing in and out.

"You progressed from loving mangled mutts, to unwashed werewolves?"

Usually, Remus would snap back at him for talking about Sirius in such a manner, but tonight, his mind was fully at work on coming up with a good explanation for his behaviour. He remained silent. His eyes darted from one area of the dirty floor to another, as if the answer were carved on the stones.

Finally, he said hoarsely, "It's a plan."

He could picture Snape raising an eyebrow, as he bent down on one knee to be face-to-face with Remus.

"Care to elaborate?"

_He's testing me._

"I...was thinking, that if I got close to him, it'd be easier to carry out the Order's tasks."

_That should have settled it._

Snape's expression was now extremely unsettling. He looked like a cat who had cornered its prey to a tiny corner of the house.

"In that case, the next assignment from the Order should be no problem at all," he remarked sarcastically, pressing a gold coin into Remus' hand. The gold coin looked suspiciously like the ones created by the Golden Trio. But that wasn't the most urgent issue on his mind at that moment.

"Bring Greyback to a Muggle place, where you two will not be recognised. Once there are few people around you, seize the opportunity, contact the Order. They will Apparate over to take Greyback down. We will have no problems disassembling the pack afterwards."

"Merlin, why now?" Remus whispered silently to himself.

"Do you accept?" Snape questioned, with the tone of a mischievous child playing Truth or Dare.

_I have no other choice. I can't blow my cover._

"Yes," he replied, in what he hoped was a firm tone. To his slight delight, though, Snape looked a bit defeated.

"Lupin, look me in the eyes, and say that again."

But Remus knew better than to. His time here had expired, any longer, and he was certain he would be found out. Rising from his chair, he shook Snape's hand and strode towards the door.

"I believe I should return before the pack gets suspicious. I'll try my best for the assignment," Remus said smoothly, without turning back. As the door swung shut, he tried not to think of the "I-know-your-little-secret" look that would be plastered over Snape's face.

* * *

Remus tossed fervently around his bed that night. His whole world seemed to be collapsing around him with every passing second. How Snape could survive as a double-agent for so long escaped his logic. He was barely settling into his duty, and he was already being torn apart by all the choices and paths he had to choose and take.

He thought of Tonks, of Sirius, of all his friends in the Order. They brought a surge of happiness within him, but that happiness felt worn, sepia-coloured. It belonged to the world of yesterday. His today belonged in the hands of Fenrir.

And he was going to make sure it was not going to fade away so quickly, like the rest of his days had.

* * *

A/N: I guess this is quite a short chapter. :X I really apologise for taking so long to update. I am still very, very interested in continuing this story, and have no intention of giving up on it, for now. Look forward to giving you the next chapter! Thanks for all the support. (:


	5. You Do What You Must

A/N: I have been looking forward to getting to this chapter. There's finally some time in the day to do it, so here's it!

* * *

The assignment given to Remus by the Order was a constant weight he pulled around the day. At night, he would sit at the edge of the bed, hoping for a letter proclaiming the cancellation of the plan. It never came.

He had thought of reasons he could use to persuade the Order to cancel the assignment, too, but what was he supposed to say? _It'll never work, the wolves will just get a new leader_. Or, _Greyback would never fall for this_. He supposed they would sound rational enough to a person like Tonks, but Snape would simply sneer at his lack of "life-risking action".

This burden on his heart was no excuse from his lessons with the children, though. He had finally progressed to teaching them Accio. Surprisingly, they caught on quite well. Soon enough, the little classroom was filled with trinkets zooming here and there, and the air was lightened with the laughter of the children. Looking on, Remus felt more contented with himself than he had been for quite a while.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Fenrir waving his wand around in the air. Remus lipread him, watching the spell he was muttering, cautiously. Fenrir caught sight of the smaller man looking over at him and grinned widely, calling out his spell more audibly.

"_Accio Remus Lupin_."

He then opened his arms as if expecting Remus to fly right into them. But, of course, Remus didn't. Fenrir scowled in mock disappointment, and even the children laughed at that. Remus laughed along too, but he knew that that was how it would always be. A gap between them, that neither could cross. Separate; that was how they were meant to be, wasn't it?

* * *

Christmas arrived in a dramatic flurry of snow and a sudden plummet in temperature. The outside looked like white hell. Inside the house, things weren't much warmer, either. There was no holiday spirit at all. Everyone was more intent on finishing their own tasks of the day.

Remus was free, however. He had cancelled lessons for the day, in his own holiday spirit. Whilst the adults bustled around the house, watching the free man rather enviously, Remus quietly stared out of the window. He breathed deeply, heart racing.

The assignment. He had to do it. And Christmas was darn well the only day he could come up with a plausible excuse to get Fenrir out of the house.

The house was warm, thankfully, but Remus was shaking all over. He turned away from the window and waited for Fenrir. His hands were shivering terribly, and their veins showed through his seemingly translucent skin. He didn't want to do this.

Finally, the familiar shape of the man, with a thick coat draped over it, appeared at one of the doorways. Gritting his teeth, Remus got to his feet and quickly strode over.

"Alpha, I-I need to get out of the house."

Fenrir's eyes scoured him up and down, as if looking for signs of cabin fever.

"Be back by dinner, then."

_Dammit, I need you to get out of the house, with me!_

"You- you trust me? Aren't you afraid that I might run away?"

Fenrir shrugged nonchalantly, smiling.

"I don't think you want to."

"Er- since it's Christmas, do you think, you could, um, accompany me out?"

Remus felt like he had squeaked that out in his discomfort. _And you call yourself a grown man!_

Fenrir seemed to have been done with his torture. He called for his right-hand man to take charge for the day.

Then, he and Remus walked out together into the snow and they Apparated away.

* * *

They landed in a dark, empty corner of a Muggle train station. Remus landed on his feet, but Fenrir obviously had some trouble, almost falling over. Remus tried to stifle his snigger. Unfortunately, Fenrir caught it, and smacked him in a playful but painful fashion on his right arm.

As they walked towards the ticketing man, Remus realised in horror that they had no tickets, and no money to buy tickets to catch the train. And the train was arriving in barely a minute. Without knowing why, he started panicking.

"We have no money to get on the train!" he gasped, looking frantic.

Fenrir snorted and rolled his eyes at the smaller man.

"And you didn't have the brains to just bring us straight to the town, hmm?"

Remus looked at him in an aghast fashion. Why didn't he think of that?

_Being with this man makes me a stupid lovesick schoolgirl, I swear._

"Little Remus wants a romantic train ride with his favourite handsome wolf, that's why," Fenrir laughed.

Remus made a small hurt sound and turned away from him. There were many people around them now. They were a swirling, thronging crowd, desperate to head to town to have a taste of the Christmas spirit. The train doors were open, and they were flooding in. And just as quickly, any time now, the train doors were going to close, and...

"We don't need tickets," Fenrir proclaimed.

Remus whipped around.

"What?!"

Fenrir flashed him another of his wide, toothy grins. Snatching Remus' arm, he dragged Remus through the crowd, practically bulldozing anyone in the way. Then, carrying Remus bridal style, he leapt over the barricades. The ticketing men were shouting and hollering at them, but they couldn't find them in all the people. Just as one ticketing man finally got close enough to hoist them back, the doors slammed shut, and the train rolled away into the distance.

Both of them were laughing hysterically as they slid down onto the seats. Fenrir was probably laughing at the clumsiness of the Muggles, but Remus was laughing because he was hearing Fenrir laughing so sincerely for the first time, and because he had never had such fun in such a long time. The people around were staring at them sceptically. Still, neither felt very bothered.

As the train rolled along, Remus thought of the last time he had been so happy. He thought of the Marauders, of his school days in Hogwarts, of Sirius and James. Those were the days, he remembered, when he could wake up in the morning and feel truly glad for being alive. When he was given reasons to smile, instead of having to find reasons to smile.

Remus suddenly felt very tired. Living in the past always tired him out. Sighing, he squeezed his eyes shut and placed his heavy head against Fenrir's strong shoulder.

"Wake me up when we get there."

There was no reply, just a simple hand clapping onto his shoulder. And that was good enough for him.

* * *

"Wake up, little boy."

There was a rough shaking against his arm, causing Remus to jolt awake. He groggily glanced up and down the empty train, vision clearing.

"Sorry, Alpha."

Fenrir got up, pulling Remus back to his feet. They walked in silence out of the train station and into town. It was a dramatic change of scenery.

The town was experiencing heavy snow, too. But it was aglow with warm lights and jolly music being played by bands and being sung by choirs. Families milled around the shops, the parents trying to haggle for lower prices whilst the children poked at the decorations. A gigantic Christmas tree sat in the middle of the town. It was well done, from the crystal balls that hung off it and the little bells that chimed with the wind, to the large shining star atop it. An equally well made Santa Claus and his reindeer sat comfortably below it, much to the delight of the people, who were joyously clicking away family photographs with their cameras.

Remus, himself, felt like a child again.

"This is wonderful!" he exclaimed, before he could stop himself.

"Uh huh," Fenrir said, surveying the town. He obviously didn't see the point of wasting money on such a pointless event.

"I haven't seen such a sight, perhaps since the time of Hogwa-"

"You're not still trying to pretend to be a human, are you?" Fenrir questioned. Remus immediately knew he had said something wrong, and turned away, embarrassed.

Fenrir continued, "Well, I myself, I can't remember my first Christmas. Or if I even had one. When I could start remembering things, I was already what I am today. Werewolf."

Remus hung his head. He didn't know if he should be feeling sorry for Fenrir at that point in time.

"I know a few traditions though," Fenrir smirked, "Like if we both stood under a mistletoe, we'd have to-"

Remus felt a blush form across his cheeks. And it was not from being repelled by the mental image of them kissing under a mistletoe. He even found it oddly romantic, though the other person happened to be Fenrir Greyback.

"Let's go find one."

With that, they started strolling around all the shops. Remus was interested in examining the various objects the shops had to offer -who knew you could make musical boxes with a winding mechanism, instead of magic?-, though Fenrir was more interested in looking for that elusive mistletoe. By far, Remus was having more luck with finding odd Muggle objects to study, than Fenrir with his looking around for that damnable mistletoe. It seemed like all the shops had avoided hanging it up, to prevent, well, unpleasant scenarios from happening.

By the time they had reached what seemed to be the last shop, Remus' brain was completely saturated with all the new information he had absorbed today. For every weird object he couldn't operate, he would approach the counter and ask for help. Some shopkeepers looked at him with as if he was mentally challenged, but others were more patient. Typical human behaviour though, so he didn't blame the scathing ones.

Fenrir strode out of the shop in a pseudo-grumpy manner after Remus was done, as his search for the mistletoe was proven a total failure, even after the hours they had spent in town.

When they had left the house, it was barely past lunch, but now, it was fast approaching evening. The shorter days meant the sky had developed into the black night sky, already. The snowfall had lightened, and the stars were twinkling brightly above. The streetlights came alive and soaked the snow coated pavements with their warm yellow light. The foodstalls and restaurants were now bustling with families wanting to catch a dinner before continuing their walks. The aroma from all the cooking food wafted around the area enticingly, reminding the hungry of their presence. Remus was no exception.

"I'm hungry," Remus sighed.

Fenrir looked down at the man. In an unexpected show of kindness, he offered, "I'll go get you something to eat, then."

Remus felt pretty pathetic as he replied, "We have no money."

"We don't need money," Fenrir snorted, "We need money as much as we needed those blasted train tickets."

Remus looked questioningly up at him, but Fenrir patted his shoulder comfortingly. He guided Remus to a bench near the Christmas tree, and signalled for him to sit down.

"Stay here," he said. He took off his heavy coat and threw it over Remus, for extra insulation, before striding off to a nearby store.

Looking at his back, Remus knew his opportunity had arrived. He hadn't planned it, but here it was, right in his reach now. All he had to do now, was to make use of it. His hand slid into his pocket, feeling the cold metal of the magical coin.

_Just say the spell, and this will all be over._

Remus pictured the scene. The Order Apparating into the scene, taking down Fenrir. Muggles screaming, Muggles being oblivated. And the captured Fenrir, stumbling out of the store, glaring at Remus on the bench._ I thought I told you to just stay there! Stay there_! Tonks beaming, giving him the thumbs up. _Wotcher, Remus! _Then, someone would escort him back to the Order's Headquarters, where he would be named an official hero of the war. Champagne popping, people excitedly clapping and cheering for Remus, as if he had ended the war.

Then, no more problems. No sir, just a nice long break in the bunkers, while others do the dangerous field work. Fenrir would fade away from his mind, he could have a rather regular life with Tonks and Teddy. And before he would know it, the war would have ended, the skies would clear, and he could be happy, once again.

Could he, really?

He gripped the coin tightly, the recently played scenario flirting with him to take the dive. It all just seemed so simple...

_Remus, for once in your life, do something you would be proud of._

The coat on his shoulders smelled strongly of the person whom he belonged to now. The coin in his hand burned as a reminder of the people whom he used to belong to.

Used to.

_If I returned, would I be happy? Proud of what I did? The days would pass in a flurry, but the nights would be torture. They would be when I see his face, remember him for all he is._

_I can't deny I haven't felt anything for him._

Decisively, Remus pushed the coin into the deepest depths of his pocket and withdrew his hand, as if he had been bitten by a poisonous snake. Then, he drew his knees to his chest and start sobbing like a broken man.

The songs in the air all seemed so bland now.

_I'm sorry, Tonks. I'm sorry, Teddy. I'm sorry, Sirius, James._

"Something wrong?"

A large shadow was cast over his smaller body. Remus shakily looked up at Fenrir, who gripped the base of his chin with his free hand.

"You aren't supposed to cry on Christmas."

_You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why- Santa Claus is coming, to town!_

"I- I just couldn't help myself, I'm so-"

Fenrir dropped a large box on chocolates onto his lap. Before Remus could ask how, he smiled proudly.

"Accio."

Remus gaped disbelievingly up at him. Despite knowing this was a stolen good, Remus couldn't help but frantically unwrap it, as he was driven madly by hunger and craving. Soon, his mouth was stuffed with white chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, mint chocolate, orange, everything. When his hunger pangs were curbed, he looked guiltily down at the half empty box. Fenrir sniggered.

"Like a pregnant woman, with your cravings, you are."

Remus scowled at him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. However, just as he shut the box and got up to leave, Fenrir pushed him back down to the bench. Fenrir then drew a recognisable plant from the pocket of his pants and placed it over their heads.

"Not in public, Merlin!" Remus flushed, shyly turning his head away. Fenrir simply laughed loudly, causing a few concerned parents to look in their direction.

"_Accio Remus Lupin_."

With that, Fenrir bent down on one knee, and pressed his lips onto Remus'. Remus didn't know if the Accio spell had finally worked for Fenrir, because he found that he didn't want to pull away. Fenrir's tongue ran across Remus' chocolate tainted teeth, before slipping into his mouth. Remus pulled him closer, wanting him nearer, deepening the kiss. Fenrir's hands gripped Remus' waist tightly, before he eventually leant his body against Remus. Remus didn't feel cold anymore, the warmth from the other man radiating against him through the thin fabric of his clothes.

When they broke away, both were panting slightly, smiling at each other. There were many parents shielding their children's eyes, and forcing them away from the pair, but again, neither could care less.

The first few times Remus felt a pang of..something, for Fenrir, he had to visualise Fenrir as someone else, Sirius, Tonks, the like. Now, he didn't have to. He would like to think that that was a sign of the gap closing.

Remus tucked the box of chocolates under his arm carefully, before linking hands with Fenrir. The pair walked away into a secluded area, hidden from everyone except the sky above, and Apparated away back to the house.

* * *

Back at the house, things were as dead as usual. It was as if the Christmas spirit in Remus was snuffed out in the instant he stepped foot into the house. Thinking of the time he had spent with Fenrir made things at dinner better though, for at dinner, many, he could tell, were gossiping about where the pair could have possibly gone for so long.

After dinner, Remus brought the box of chocolates back to his room and placed it into an unused drawer. He casted a spell on it to prevent melting. Legs tired, and head spinning from the events in town, he gladfully went about brushing his teeth and washing his face, happy for the fact that it was finally bedtime. Before he could turn in, though, a knock sounded harshly against his door.

"What is- Oh, Alpha-!" Remus said, rubbing his eyes.

Fenrir replied amusedly, "Well, since it's Christmas, do you think you could accompany me to my room?"

Remus blinked several times. He didn't have the option of "No", did he? He'd like to believe he didn't.

Nodding, Remus walked with Fenrir to his room. As Fenrir opened the door, he called out, "Goodnight, Alpha!"

Fenrir raised an eyebrow, before smirking.

"I forgot to say, accompany me into my room."

Remus felt the colour rise to his face for what had to be the hundredth time in the day.

"Stay for the night. Stay here."

He pulled Remus into the obviously larger room, and both of them flomped down onto the bed.

For the first time, Remus saw how tired and worn Fenrir looked. Moving forward, Fenrir grasped Remus with surprising gentleness, cradling him against his larger body. His hand pressed against the small of Remus' back. Both felt too worn out by today, the reminder of what life could be, to say anything else besides,

"Merry Christmas." Which was spoken quietly by Remus.

Fenrir grunted in response, "Mm. Christmas to you."

Not like what Sirius or Tonks would have said. But that was good enough for him.

* * *

A/N: I hope this chapter made it up to anyone who has waited long for this story to get a move on :X Thanks to all who are and have been reading this story!


	6. Traces in the Snow

A/N: Bet you guys thought I forgot about this story! Apologies… Life has been very busy, but whatever it is, the next chapter is finally here! Sorry about uploading then removing this chapter at first, because I was having problems with that darned horizontal ruler!

* * *

Remus woke up the next morning to an incessant tapping. Blearily, he rubbed his eyes and looked around blindly for the source of the noise. Then he caught sight of Hedwig, beak still tapping against the window, body almost invisible in the snowstorm outside.

_The Order; shit-!_

Guilt and despair surged through him. Careful not to wake the sleeping Fenrir, he stretched over the man, and just managed to latch his hands onto the windowsill. He opened the window, and Hedwig immediately dumped the letter onto the bed. Quickly, she took off, obviously bothered by having to wait outside in the chill for so long.

Despite himself, Remus quickly unfolded the letter. He'd have to read it sooner or later anyway. With trembling hands, he glanced through its contents.

_Dear Remus,_

_I hope everything is fine over there. Many in the Order are disgruntled by your lack of action. I have to admit, dear, there was a sufficient time period for you to contact us that Christmas Day… I suppose you have your own reasons, perhaps the situation was a bit more…complex? I have since been trying to convince them to give you more time; but they seem so keen to dismantle the werewolf pack, I should warn you, they might carry out a surprise attack soon- keep yourself safe when it happens. Teddy and I miss you terribly._

_Love,_

_Tonks_

He slipped the letter into his back pocket as soon as he was done. He felt horrified, and sickened at himself. There was his wife, trying to keep his reputation intact back in the Order, whilst he was here, happily committing an extramarital affair with the man who had ruined his life when he was six.

Suddenly, a hand clapped against the small of his back. It was a gentle motion, but it felt like a slap, a reminder of the terrible crime he was committing here.

"Be a good boy, and shut the window. You're letting the snow in."

He complied silently.

"Turn and face me, would you?"

Without waiting for Remus' response, Fenrir grasped his waist and pulled him towards him. Remus lay uncomfortably on top of Fenrir. Their eyes met for a brief moment, before Remus' averted. He let out a shaky breath and placed his head upon the other man's chest.

"You're still thinking about them," Fenrir muttered, a look of distaste on his face at that thought. Remus whimpered and pressed himself closer to the man's warmth. He felt so pathetic. For a moment, he wanted to tell Fenrir about the letter, about the emotional turmoil he had been going through- but any fool would know that that would be a terrible choice.

_I have to wean myself off my feelings for him. I just feel this way for him because I am so sick of being alone. It's time you learnt to be lonely, Remus._

"I hate it when you're like this," Fenrir said aloud, "I don't understand why it is _so_ hard for you to leave them behind."

"It's hard when they're the only things I ever felt that I had!" Remus shot back, despite himself. He could feel Fenrir looking at him in a rather confused and disappointed manner. That was all the response he got. Fenrir, after all, was not one to say something ridiculously sappy, something along the lines of, "But you have me now!" or "I will always be yours, silly boy!"

Remus sighed painfully, rolling off Fenrir and back to his side of the bed. The back of his head was throbbing crazily. Fenrir sat up and surveyed Remus silently. There was no point getting him out of bed, he decided. He rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the creaking bed.

"Fine, stay here. When I return, we're going to pack. Got to get out and find that damned family before the year ends."

As Fenrir slipped on his thick jacket, he glanced out of the corner of his eyes to see if the other man responded; but Remus was too tired and unfocused to protest.

* * *

Remus spent the next two hours lying quietly on his spot of the bed, absentmindedly twirling the corner of the blanket. He had been thinking about all the events lined up for him in the days leading to the New Year. There was nothing he could do about them, he supposed, but to just play along.

As for the issue of his family and Fenrir, he had made a decision- for the short term.

"Always live for the present, screw the future!" He vaguely remembered Sirius cheerfully chirping those words before getting Remus to participate in one of their infamous pranks.

_I would be happier if I enjoy whatever I have now, and stop being held back by something that's in the past, or something that's so distant from me. It's selfish, but who isn't selfish, especially in a war? I could die tomorrow, for all I know._

_You don't even like Tonks that much, anyway_; a voice in his head smirked.

* * *

Fenrir entered the room silently, almost as if he was afraid of disturbing Remus. However, what met him completely contrasted with the glum man in the morning.

Remus was up and about, packing the last of the necessities neatly into his travelling bag. His clothes had been straightened and his hair showed attempts of being tamed. Upon seeing Fenrir, Remus waved cheerily over to him. Like a little boy, he carried the travelling bag over proudly, showing it to Fenrir, and said, "I think I've packed all that we need to bring!"

Fenrir hid his surprise well, as he gave his mind time to register this sudden revitalization of Remus. He peered through the bag, and scowled mockingly, "You forgot the tent."

"Tent? Don't werewolves go all natural and sleep under the stars?" Remus asked curiously. Fenrir lightly swatted his head as if offended. "It's crazy cold out there," he grunted, reaching casually behind Remus for the tent. Forcing it into the bag, he looked at the obviously humoured Remus and snapped, "What's so funny?"

Remus slipped his hands into his pockets and racked his brains for a non-offensive answer.

"Modernisation."

* * *

Downstairs, the rest of the male werewolves were already out, and mingling around, in anticipation. The women were to stay back to maintain the house and tend to the children. Seeing Fenrir and Remus entering, the males started filtering out of the door, not bothering to hide their relief at finally getting to get out of the suffocating house.

Fenrir crossed his arms and leant against the door, watching Remus give the children individual goodbye hugs. He smirked and called out, "You should have been born a girl, Remus." The young girl in Remus' arms giggled, and the women chuckled behind their hands. Remus stuck out his tongue at Fenrir, and finished saying his goodbye to the rest of the children.

Taking one long last look at the children, Remus slid his hand into Fenrir's and they strode out into the white world together. Remus felt much better than he did in the morning. Definitely, the letter was still on his mind, but he tried his best to keep it from interfering with his feelings. There would be a way to sort things out in the end, he assured himself; he had a good feeling about things right now.

"Where to, Alpha?" Fenrir's right hand man queried, blearily looking around the thick falling snow, illuminated by the devastatingly bright winter sun. They could hardly pick up a scent.

"I've received some information from the Death Eaters about their latest known whereabouts. They could have moved since then, but they can't have gone far. Just follow me," Fenrir said to the pack. He briefly described the area the family was supposedly at, before signaling to them to follow his tracks.

Fenrir clasped his hand with Remus' again, and slowly, the pack started making its way into the snow-covered woods. Remus could feel the chilling wind bite at his skin underneath the thin layers of his clothes. His legs were buckling slightly and it was almost too painful to look straight ahead. Shuddering, he said to Fenrir under his breath, "Perhaps today isn't a good day to start out."

Smiling wanly at him, Fenrir took off his jacket and flumped it over both their bodies. Remus pressed himself closer to Fenrir. He could see though, from the way the other man's breath was so visible in the glistening snow, Fenrir was just as cold as he was. He hung his head in slight embarrassment at having taken away some of the man's warmth. He decided to make up for it by smiling and doing his best to chat animatedly to Fenrir throughout the arduous trek.

* * *

Darkness quickly fell due to the short winter day. Fenrir loudly cussed at the hasty sun. The werewolves could continue their walk even in pitch black darkness, but Fenrir, sensing that most of the pack was weary from trudging through what seemed like subzero temperatures, called it a day.

Relief and gratitude swept through the pack, as they started unpacking their items and setting up tents. It was an odd sight to Remus. He felt that he should make himself useful though, and so he got started on Fenrir's tent.

When everyone was done, they settled in a circle around Fenrir. Fenrir looked exceptionally pale- Remus then realised Fenrir had left his jacket draped over him- but happy.

"Good job, you lot. We covered near half the distance. Go get some rest and food. We'll definitely be there by tomorrow night. When we get there, we'll rest and wait, until the next night, when the full moon will appear. Then we strike."

A murmur of satisfaction swept through the werewolves at their leader's concrete action plan. They swiftly started on their dinners. Remus didn't have much appetite though. He was worried for the family.

"Do we necessarily need to kill them?" he questioned Fenrir, as the man sat down next to him, already munching on his portion. Fenrir nodded, swallowing, and turning to look at Remus.

"You're still not used to this, hm."

Remus quickly responded to avoid a repeat of today's miserable morning, "Truthfully, I'm not, but eventually I will, Alpha!" He forced a smile out. Fenrir seemed to have bought his act, as he grinned back, "Finish up, it's getting cold."

* * *

Out of pity, and for the sake of the pack's well being, Remus went around casting a heating charm in everyone's tents. The werewolves grunted their thanks, and even Fenrir's right hand man begrudgingly managed one. Fenrir beamed with pride at Remus' work.

"You couldn't have cast it on us earlier, when we began our walk, though?" he joked, jabbing Remus between his ribs. Remus swore at himself for forgetting, and felt a bit self-conscious after that. Fenrir barked a laugh, arm snaking around Remus' waist. "It's okay, we should spend more time together," he said, voice soaked with intended sappiness, but still managing to cause the colour in Remus' face to rise.

Inside Fenrir's considerably larger tent, Remus zipped up the entrance and silently went over to lie beside Fenrir. The other man pressed a chaste kiss onto his lips, before sliding a hand onto the back of Remus, bringing his body closer. Remus shivered at the contact of cold skin.

"Goodnight, Fenrir," he smiled. The man leant forward for another quick kiss, before mumbling something similar back to Remus. Both men kept steady eye contact, not quite knowing what to say to the other, until the exhausted Fenrir fell asleep first.

Once Remus was sure Fenrir was fast asleep, he cautiously slipped out of the man's grasp, and crawled towards the entrance. Casting a Silencing charm, he unzipped the entrance so that it was just wide enough for half of his body to fit through.

He didn't want to do this, but he had boundaries for his selfishness, and risking the life of an innocent family for his affections for a certain werewolf was past those lines. Taking out the letter Tonks had sent him in the morning, he turned it to its unused side and scribbled furiously.

_Dear Tonks,_

_What happened on Christmas requires too much explanation, so I will leave it out here. Important point is, the pack will be attacking an innocent family soon. They are at a clearing at the north of the woods. The pack will be there by tomorrow night, and will attack on the next night when the full moon rises. Please tell the order to find a way to stop them; I can't do much myself._

_Love,_

_Remus_

Proofreading his letter swiftly, Remus noticed that there was a lack of emotion, namely love, in his letter –it sounded so businesslike and direct. He simply shrugged it off though. Careful to avoid looking at the man comfortably sleeping behind him to protect himself from another mental conflict, he sent a signal out to Hedwig. He then placed the letter just outside the tent, and zipped the entrance back up.

Wearily, he sat there, waiting for the flurry of wings. Sooner than he expected, he heard that familiar rustle, and a soft hoot. He unzipped the entrance just a tiny bit, and saw Hedwig just about to take off. She saw him, and tilted her head to a side, as if acknowledging his friendly presence. Then, she quietly flew off into the darkness, disappearing from view.

Remus breathed easily after that. Zipping the tent back up, he gladly crawled back to the arms of Fenrir. Now that that letter was out of sight, it was out of his mind. There was a tinge of regret, to be sure, but this was a war, after all. He could be selfish, but he still had to remember, at crucial points like this, where his loyalties truly lay.

He snuggled closer to Fenrir, breathing in his scent, knowing that this would be one of the last times he would get to be so near the man. He didn't want think about tomorrow.

_Always live for the present, screw the future!_

Tomorrow would be a different day. Different in what way, he didn't need to know for now.

* * *

A/N: I'm so glad I finally got this chapter out of my head! Thanks to all who have still been patiently waiting!


	7. The Last Souls of Winter

A/N: Update! Thanks to anyone who is still reading this and keeping this story alive! I am really sorry for leaving this story and Secret Room on hiatus for so long. I really, really do intend to finish both stories, no matter what.

* * *

Vaguely, Remus remembered this feeling. Waking up with small slivers of winter sunlight across his face, a warm body beneath him, a hand pressed firmly on the small of his back. It had been a long time since he had this luxury.

_Sirius…_

_The Order's attack! Today!_

He suddenly had an awful feeling about today.

* * *

"Come on men, eat that breakfast faster," Fenrir grumbled from his corner, hand shielding the piercing rays of the winter sun. Remus lay, bleary-eyed, against his shoulder.

"Not hungry?" Fenrir queried. Remus shook his head silently in return, stomach churning. He felt sick, and the glaring white snow was not helping a single bit.

"Me neither," the man replied- but Remus knew their indifference to food was not due to the same reasons.

The pack started on its weary path a few minutes later.

* * *

Night descended as soon as the pack set up camp at the target location. The scene would have been beautiful, Remus thought, if not for the events that were to follow. The snowfall had lessened, leaving the black sky open for the stars to glisten; the small campfires set a wondrous, healthy glow to the pale ground. Just down the hill, the cottage and its unsuspecting inhabitants seemed to be chortling and aglow with life.

He heard a crunch of snow next to him. Sure enough, there stood the large frame of Fenrir. Remus caught a cry in his throat, and tried to stop the emotions from bubbling over in his chest. He wished that he would stop counting the remaining seconds he had with the man.

But, oh-! If only he could stop time, and leave them standing in the frigid cold like this, for all eternity. How he hated being so emotional, being so weak-kneed. He shivered as fingers grazed the side of his hand…

"_Cruciatus!" _

An unholy howl sounded throughout the camp, followed by several others. Curses and spells tore through the once unmoving night, finding their targets.

_The Order is here!_

"I'll get Greyback!" a distinct voice yelled.

A woman with bubblegum pink hair sprinted through the messy crowd of werewolves and wizards. Fenrir caught sight of her, and snarled animalistically, pushing Remus behind him protectively, as he adopted the stance of a predator.

"Remus, _dear!_" the woman, Tonks, cried out, as she started her battle with Fenrir.

It was an obvious plea for assistance. Remus simply stood there, in confusion. His shaking right hand was grasping the handle of his wand, but it lacked the strength to draw it out. It wasn't an issue of whether he was going to blow his cover. It was an issue of who he should hurt, and who he should protect.

"_Dear!" _Tonks shrieked as she missed a near fatal blow from Fenrir. He seemed almost impermeable to magic, so powerful, so bloodthirsty- just like a _monster_. He roared loudly, knowing his triumph over the petite, helpless witch was almost secured.

_I-I can't live this life, forever. The dream will end itself when the year does._

_I'm…not a monster. I have a wife, and a child, a normal life waiting for me back home. He doesn't. We're not the same._

Remus drew his wand like a sword from his pocket. Weakly, he pointed to the turned back of Fenrir. His hands were shivering so badly from cold, from fright; he could hardly get a proper aim. He licked his dry lips, getting ready to cast the _Cruciatus _curse.

"Well, I thought you'd never!" Tonks yelled. Remus lowered his wand, startled, losing his nerve at her sudden addressing- but it turned out that she was referring to Kingsley and some of the other members. The tide of the battle was turned immensely against Fenrir. The overwhelming experience and expertise of the rest were to be his undoing.

"Let's go!" a younger voice suddenly cried out next to Remus, as a pair of hands jolted him roughly away from the scene.

_Harry? Ron, Hermione- what are they doing here!_

"Wait-! Please, let me-" Remus pleaded, felt the disjointed words fly out of his mouth, as he continued looking on in horror at the battle against Fenrir. The monster seemed to be subsiding, under the relentless attack of a dozen or more experienced Aurors. Collapsing, drowning, bleeding his way into the melting snow under their feet.

_They're going to kill him._

The rest of the werewolves were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps lying somewhere, wrecked, on the cold ground. Dead. Fled. Betrayed.

A glint of a shiny object caught the glitter of the stars. Silver. An Auror held a large chunk of it in his hand, grinning almost maniacally.

"Such a beautiful metal to behold, isn't it!" he spat viciously into Fenrir's face, before bringing it down to it. Fenrir immediately shielded his face with his arm, and was rewarded with a sharp searing burn that went past the skin, into the muscle. He fought back a yelp of pain, and let out an anguished roar instead, as he felt the metal rush through his veins, clouding his vision.

He stumbled. Collapsed.

And wrenched Remus' heart back, on the way down.

"_Fenrir!"_ Remus shouted, forgetting who he was, where he was, what he was supposed to be. He called out the monster's first name in front of his supposed allies, friends, _his wife_. He broke free of the trio's grasp with surprising strength, and forced himself through the Aurors without a shard of self-consciousness. He felt as if he had lost all control, lost his mind; but he had never felt so much stamina, so much emotion gushing through him before.

He hauled Fenrir to his side, with all his remaining strength, and moved as fast as he could into the cover of the dense forest. Spells shot all around his body, grazing past the top of his head, barely missing him. Behind him, various infuriated and confused voices called out, trying to tap into his conscience.

"Lupin! What're you-"

But in a war, no ally is forever.

"Stop him!"

Even more spells shot his way. Fenrir was a dead weight on his body. He wasn't even sure if the man was still alive.

"All of you, stop shooting at _my husband_!"

At that, Remus turned to look behind, wide-eyed. The spells ceased. Tonks stood in front of the Aurors, arms outstretched, as if shielding the area with Remus behind her.

"Please- let him explain himself first," she said weakly, as if on the verge of breaking down into a sobbing wreck. The Aurors turned to look expectantly at Remus. The trio ran to their side, expecting an explanation, as well.

_But the explanation is not one they are waiting to hear._

Remus' eyes swept deftly across his anticipating audience, pausing only to look at his wife. She returned his gaze, sobbing now.

"Well, dear? What do you have to say?"

_It would be better left unsaid._

He wanted to say "I'm sorry", but he was too afraid of the consequences.

So, he just tightened his grip on his Alpha, and turned away to shrink back into the cover of darkness, leaving his tearing wife and his confused friends behind.

* * *

They did not come after him. Neither the pack nor the Order did.

It was unexpected, but it brought him an odd sense of relief. He had betrayed both parties. Surely, at least one desired to have his head; so this isolation, this silent exile, was a god-given gift of mercy.

But he still had Fenrir to face. Perhaps he would be the harbinger of his punishment.

Still, Remus had tended to him gently all night. He had cast every possible Healing spell he had learnt, and had thus slowly removed the silver from the body. The man was still unconscious, but his heartbeat had returned to a normal, healthy pace. He was to awaken soon.

Remus settled him into a comfortable half-lying position against a tree trunk, and cast a warming spell. Then, he himself leant against the opposite one. He shouldn't touch the man any further. His eyes flickered shut, as exhaustion overwhelmed him.

The winter's silence hung heavy for the next few hours. Then;

"Boy..?" a soft, but deep voice muttered.

"Alpha!" he responded instinctively, without thinking, scrambling to Fenrir's side.

"The rest…" Fenrir groaned, as he propped himself better against the tree.

"Gone," Remus half-whispered to the wind.

Fenrir glared at him, and for a second, the monster danced threateningly behind those eyes again.

"_What did you say!"_

The previously unconscious man slid forward, and snatched Remus' arm painfully, jerking the smaller man forward.

"I am sick of you letting _them_ get in our way, all the time! No matter what we do, _they_ always have to be involved!"

"_That_ directed to a man who just _saved your life_!" Remus spat back with surprising bitterness and courage. He knew what he was getting himself into. Fenrir could snap his neck into half any moment, with ease. But he didn't care anymore; he was alone in no-man's-land, no side wanted him, nobody wanted him; there was nothing left to fight for.

"And _what_ difference would that make when I have to _face the Dark Lord_!" Fenrir roared, getting to his feet. He flung Remus haplessly to the side, fuming, "You're not like _them_! And _they_ don't want you to be like _them_!"

"I- I have a wife. I have a child. I'm not like you," Remus sighed from his spot on the ground. How he desired so badly to just lie here in the cold, and be covered by blanket upon blanket of snow. Eventually, he would disappear from the world; become a mere ghost in a distant memory of a lost winter.

"But I, I will also face the Dark Lord with you, Alpha," he continued tiredly, "Blame it on me, everything. Give me up. I wish to burden everyone no further." He bit his lip hard after he finished that last sentence, hating himself for acting so melodramatic and emotional.

He was hauled to his feet.

The two men walked back aimlessly into the white world.

* * *

"So we just wait out till that day?" Remus breathed against Fenrir drowsily.

"Yeah. Though I'm pretty sure he's just going to cut that deadline short and come, after what happened to the camp," Fenrir answered, in a nonchalant tone.

Remus pressed himself closer against the warm man, hiding his face in his clothes. He was getting extremely sleepy, but the rising of the morning winter sun was not helping him with the process of going to sleep.

"I'm scared," he whispered wistfully, feeling less like the man he was, and more like a little boy. Fenrir had that sort of effect on him. And so did the image of a pale face, with slit nostrils, vivid red eyes and a serpent's tongue.

Fenrir slid his hands down to a comfortable position on Remus' waist, cocooning him.

"You deserve this, you know," he stated as flatly as he could. He avoided Remus' silent gaze.

"But Fenrir, do you- have you…"

Remus wanted to ask if Fenrir had ever, well, _loved, _anyone in the romantic sense. It was too hard to imagine. Yet he wanted to convince himself, in what could be the last few hours of his life, that he was spending his time with a man who was capable of some degree of positive emotion, not a monster that thrived off only the emotion of fear.

However, he didn't know how to do it without sounding like a cheesy goofball. So he simply pressed a chaste kiss on his cheek. Then, he withdrew and tentatively chanced a glance at the other's expression.

"It wasn't too long ago."

Fenrir smiled wanly and pressed a kiss, which held back most of its force, on his lips. There was a flash of a smile, the passing of a time in which he was truly just human, no animal, across his face.

Then, it went impassive. The grip on Remus' waist tightened suddenly, hurtfully.

A figure slid from between the shadows of the trees into the winter sunlight. Remus thought that its skin was going to be set ablaze, that it was going to catch fire, scorch, and burn to death; but it didn't. How he wished it did.

"Now, isn't this the _sweetest_ thing?"

* * *

A/N: Lack of practice! I hope I haven't lost the personalities of the various characters too badly in this chapter. It may warrant a rewrite. But anyway, thank you for reading, and putting up with my inconsistency in updating!


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